Body language -
The arm is an interesting appendages with a ball at the top, a
hinge in the middle, and with a rather complex toolset at the end.
Watch also for arms held still -- this is often the first place
the deceiver starts when trying to control body language (they may even hold
one arm with the other to keep them both still).
Expanding
Arms are clever expanding devices that can make us bigger or
smaller, reaching out without having to move the rest of our body.
They can extend towards the other person, either in threat or a
more friendly way. Moved directly and quickly they threaten. Curved and moving
more slowly they may offer comfort.
The can also extend laterally, sometimes as a part of a
body-expanding 'I am big' display that can signify confidence or perhaps
aggression.
Shaping
Arms are used as a part of shaping as we wave them around and
carve out the world. They are an adjunct to our words as we literally show
other people how big the fish was or how small the child is.
When we are excited or confident, we may wave our arms about like
windmills. When we are less confident, our shaping is smaller and closer to the
body.
This waving of arms needs control and a person who bangs their
hand on something may indicate clumsiness.
Raising
Raising the arms lifts something up. Done rapidly, it throws
things into the air. With both arms, it exaggerates it further. A typical
two-arm-raising gesture is frustration, as everything that is weighing the
person down with confusion is thrown up into the air. Coupled with a shrug it
indicates confusion ('I don't know!!').
Weapon
Arms can be like weapons. They can symbolize clubs and spears as
they strike out at imaginary foes. They can also be defensive, blocking and
sweeping away attacks. In martial arts arms can be used to block and strike and
this is reflected in how they may be used in communication.
Crossing
Arms can act as the doorway to the body and the self. When they
are crossed, they form a closed defensive shield, blocking out the outside
world. Shields act in two ways: one is to block incoming attacks and the other
is a place behind which the person can hide and perhaps not be noticed.
Crossed arms may thus indicate anxiety which is either driven by a
lack of trust in the other person or an internal discomfort and sense of
vulnerability (that may, for example, be rooted in childhood trauma).
The extent of crossing indicates how firmly closed the person is.
This may range from a light cross to arms folded to arms wrapped around the
person. An extreme version which may indicate additional hostility is a tight
close with hands formed as fists. If legs are crossed also then this adds to
the signal.
The hands in an arm-cross may also be used to hold the person in a
reassuring self-hug, for example holding upper arms in a folded-arms position
or wrapped around the torso, holding the sides. If the thumbs are up, this may
indicate some approval or agreement with what is being said.
Crossed arms, especially when holding one another can show the
person to be trying to keep themselves still. This can be to suppress any
signals. It may also indicate repressed anger (I have to hold myself to prevent
myself hitting you). In some cultures it also signals that the person is
holding themself still so they can pay greater attention to you (and is hence a
compliment).
When arms are not crossed, they expose the torso and the person,
making them more vulnerable. This signifies comfort that often indicates trust.
It can also be power position that dares the other person to attack whilst
knowing that the other person dare not.
Crossed arms is a very obvious signal and if you do it in front of
other people they will likely feel rejected and respond accordingly (including
not agreeing with you).
Note that not all crossed arms are defensive. Sometimes folded
arms, for example, are just a relaxed position. Crossed arms are also used when
the person is cold (this is typically done with hands tucked under armpits to
keep them warm).
A common method sales people use to break a crossed-arms closed
position is to give the person something to hold or otherwise ask them to
use theirhands.
Reaching forward
Reaching forward to the other person can be quite scary for them
as you could attack them, and a sudden thrust forward can indeed be an
aggressive signal, especially if the hand is pointing or shaped as a fist.
Reaching forward can also be an offer of support or affection,
seeking to touch and join with the other person.
Pulling back
When arms are thrust forward, they are the first thing that may be
grabbed or attacked. When a person feels defensive they may pull back their
arms out of harm's way.
Elbow body language
When you think 'body language', the elbow is not usually the first
thing you think of, and indeed there are less things they can say. The
lesser-noticed parts, however, should always be watched, both individually and
as a part of a wider cluster.
Size
Elbows are often used as a central part of a size display as we
push them outwards as we puff ourselves up to appear bigger larger than we are
(much as birds stand their feathers on end).
Putting hands on the waist sends a stronger signal. More subtle is
simply to expand the chest and push elbows slightly out.
This is usually done whilst standing and with the body stationery
(it is difficult to run with elbows sticking out).
This can signify aggression, but may also be a more relaxed
attention-getting pose (look at me!). This often is accompanied by a relaxed
S-shaped body curve, with one foot pointing forward at the target person.
Weapon
For those who have struggled in big January sales know (or any
hurrying crowd for that matter), elbows can make excellent weapons. They are a
pointed tool at the end of the powerful upper arm and a jab in the ribs can
wind even a somewhat larger opponent.
In everyday language a symbolic strike towards someone (without
hitting them) says 'I feel like hitting you' or 'I could hit you'. It thus can
be a suggestion to desist from some undesirable behavior.
Prop
When seated, putting elbows on the table may indicate a relaxed
state. The head may thus be propped up by cupped hands.
Pointer
We tend to point at people and things in which we are interested
in some way. The most obvious way is with the finger. We also do it with other
parts of the body. One of the most subtle and subconscious of these is the
elbow.
Hand body language
Hands have 27 bones and are a very expressive part of our anatomy.
The give us enormous capability as an evolved species in how we handle our
environment.
Reading palms is not just about the lines on your hand. After the
face, hands probably the richest source of body language.
It is also worth noting that gestures with the hands vary
significantly across cultures and an 'innocent' hand signal can get you
arrested in another country.
A hand signal may be small, perhaps betraying subconscious
thinking. It may also be exaggerated or done with both hands to emphasize the
point.
Holding
Cupped hands form a container which can hold gently. Gripping
hands can hold tightly. Hands can hold both individually or together (giving an
exaggerated effect).
Cupped hands can symbolize delicacy or hold a fragile idea. They
may also be used for giving.
Gripping can show possessiveness, ownership and desire (the tighter the fist,
the stronger the feeling).
Hands may also hold the self, such as when people hold their own
hands, typically for comfort. Wringing the hands indicates more extreme
nervousness.
Holding the self can also be an act of restraint. This can be to
let the other person talk. It can also be used when the person is angry,
effectively stopping them from attacking.
The two hands can show different desires, for example with one
forming a fist and the other holding it back, restraining the desire to punch
the other person.
Note also that people who are lying often try to control their
hands, and when they are kept still (often holding one another), you might get
suspicious. Another sign can be holding them behind the back. As ever, these
are only possible indicators and you should also look for similar signs.
Hands may also be used to hold items such as pens or cups, which
may be used as comfort objects, for example where a person hugs a cup (the cup
represents the person, so they are effectively hugging themself). Holding an
item with two hands effectively creates a closed position.
Holding imaginary objects as they are talked about can show
importance. Things which are important (and perhaps with fear of loss) are held
close and tight. Things which are not wanted are held further away (or even
tossed away).
Even ideas may be held. The bigger and more important the idea,
the wider the arms are held. A common size is as if they are holding a
basketball -- this is useful as you can give it to other people. A wide-armed
hold may indicate the whole world or something massive.
Items may also be for distracting activity that releases nervous
energy, such as fiddling with a pen, clicking it on and off, or doodling with
it.
Control
A hand with palm down may figuratively hold or restrain the other
person. This can be an authoritative action ('Stop that now') or may be a
request ('Please calm down'). This also appears in the dominant hand-on-top handshake.
A palm facing outward towards others fends them off or pushes them
away in a more obvious way than the palms-down signal ('Stop. Do not come any
closer!').
A pointing finger or whole hand tells a person where to go ('Leave
now!').
Greeting
Hands are often used in greetings. The most common form of
greeting is shaking hands, of which there are many different forms. Opening the
palm shows that there is no concealed weapon. This is significant in greeting,
salutes, waves etc.
This is one of the few times we are allowed to touch the other
person and it may get used to send various signals.
Dominance is shown with hand on top, strength,
prolonged holding ('I decide when to let go') and holding the person with the
other hand.
Affection is shown with speed and duration of shake, touching with
the other hand and enthusiastic smiles. The similarity between dominant and
affection handshakes leads to tricky situations where a dominant person
pretends to be friendly.
Submission is shown with a floppy hand, palm up and
which is sometimes clammy and with a quick withdrawal.
Most handshakes use vertical palms to show equality, are firm
without being crushing and for a very exact period (so both know when to let
go).
Waving is also used for a greeting and may be done at a distance.
Salutes are sometimes used, but mostly only in the military, where
their style is strictly prescribed.
Shaping
Hands can carve the air, shaping what the person is talking about
or meaning. They can thus create visual metaphors out of literally nothing.
A man talking may shape a fish he caught. He might also carve out
the shape of his ideal woman. Other gestures can shape more crudely, indicating
holding and moving sexually significant body parts.
Cutting
The side of a flat hand can appear as a knife, cutting the air
like a karate chop. The cutting hand may strike the other palm, creating visual
and aural impact.
A side-swiped cut with palm down tells others to stop what they
are doing, for example when a person on stage asks the audience to stop
clapping so they can speak. A short side swipe may also signal 'no' in any
conversation.
Cuts can signal aggression, particularly when coupled with an
aggressive face. They may also indicate decisiveness, chopping with each point.
A side-swiped cut can chop away someone else's argument.
Striking
The hand can strike openly, with the palm or closed as a fist. The
fist can strike forwards, sideways or downwards. One hand is often used for
symbols as two hands as fists can be an invitation to fight (two hands held
inwards can also indicate extreme tension).
Fist shapes and movements are often symbols of inner aggression.
When moved towards a person, even a small amount, they signal aggression
towards that person. A shaking fist signifies a strong desire to strike
someone. Punching the air indicates triumphal excitement.
Covering
Hands can hide things. When people do not want to hear something,
they put hands to ears. When they do not want to look, they cover their eyes.
When they want to say something but feel restrained, they put their hands to
their mouth. A hand may also cover a rudely open mouth, which may be opened in
such as surprise or a yawn.
Hands covering the mouth when speaking may be an indicator of lying,
although it may also just indicate uncertainty.
Hands can cover other things. A hand to heart may seek to protect
it from shocking harm. A hand to the groin may protect from dangerous attack.
Hands can also cover one another. Sometimes a tense fist may be covered by the
other hand.
Giving
Outstretched palms may offer something to another person. Held
with palms faced towards one another they might hold something large. Held
upwards they openly proffer an idea.
They may also show that nothing is being concealed, giving what I
have, which is nothing.
A single offered hand is the start of the handshake.
Asking
Palms offered upwards are a common plea gesture, as if asking for
alms. Palms downwards may ask a person to calm down.
Palms up or at 45 degrees and then pulled towards the body seeks
to bring others closer to you in an attenuated beckoning gesture.
Hands with palms pressed together indicate a more anxious
pleading. This gesture may be done with fingers upwards in a clear prayer
position ('Please do not harm me!'), and possibly thrust towards the other
person. With fingers pointing down, this may be more concealed or a less
anxious desire for agreement. A variant of this is to have fingers interleaved,
but otherwise making the same shape and movement.
Rubbing
Rubbing the hands together can mean that the person is cold. It
also means the person is feeling particularly gleeful about something. This can
be a shared benefit and be used in a conspiratorial way.
When they do this less obviously and more slowly, they might
thinking that they are going to benefit at the expense of someone else. Watch
also for small smiles and defocused eyes as they imagine a rosy future (at
least for them).
Rubbing the face and particularly the chin can indicate thinking,
evaluating and deciding.
When a part of the body is sore, the person may rub it. This also
happens when that part of the body is tense, for example the neck or abdomen,
and can thus be a signal of anxiety.
Light stroking of the body can be a romantic invitation,
particularly if the erogenous areas (or nearby) are touched. This says 'I would
like you to do this' and can be very arousing.
Thinking
When the fingers are pressed together forming a steepled shape,
pointing upwards, the person may well be thinking, evaluating or deciding. This
may also be done with just index fingers pressed together and other fingers
interlinked ('the church'), with all finger-tips touching ('the cage') or with
fingers interlinked.
The steepled position forms a barrier against the other person and
may be held lower when the person wants to connect more, such as when they are
listening.
A subtler version of the evaluative position is with the hand
supporting the head but with the index finger up the side the of the face. The
middle finger may cover the mouth ('I'm not ready to talk yet').
These fingers-up positions may include touching of the mouth or
chin with the fingers, which may indicate the person is thinking about saying
something but is not yet ready to speak out loud.
The fingers may also be all intertwined and typically held under
the chin. Again, this is a thinking and evaluating signal.
Hands clenched can be a self-restraining act, effectively holding
the person back from speaking until they are ready.
Supporting
Hands may be used to support the head or even the body when
leaning.
Hands wrapped around the cheeks with elbows on the table indicates
a heavy head and the person may be sleepy or bored. This may also be indicated
with a single hand propping up the chin or side of the head.
The hands may also lightly support the head, either as a single
hand gently under the chin or with fingers intertwined with elbows on table and
chin touching the fingers. Particularly when looking at the other person, this
says 'look at my face, isn't it nice' and may thus be an enticing position.
A lightly supported head may also be a position of listening,
where the person is holding their head still in order to focus on the other
person.
A simple rule is that the more that the head is supported, the
more the person is bored. When they are interested in what others are saying,
support is light.
Hiding
Hands may be hidden by putting them behind the back, in pockets,
under the table or sitting on them. They are often used in communication and
hiding the hands may indicate a desire not to communicate or not to
collaborate, saying 'I don't want to talk with you' or 'I do not agree with
you'.
This may be done in a deliberate gesture of defiance, such as
stuffing hands in pockets. Liars may hide their hands in fear that they will
give themselves away.
Hiding hands may also be a position of listening, sending the
message 'I do not want to talk because I want to listen to you.'
Putting hands in pockets or behind the back can also be due to
just feeling relaxed and not needing to talk.
Touching
The hand may touch any part of the body in a whole range of
situation.
Perhaps the most common reason for touching oneself is
self-affirmation ('I am here. I am real. I am ok.') and related anxiety.
Anxiety can be related to concern for the outer world or the inner world of
thoughts and forecasts.
Touching is also used in romantic situations, where parts of the
body may be lightly touched or stroked in simulation of desired or suggested
action by the other person. The more erotic the parts being touched, the
stronger the signal is sent.
Touching can also be a form of punishment, for example when a
person slaps their head ('Bother - I forgot!').
Touching the other person can be an act of domination or of
friendship, for example a hand on the shoulder whilst telling them off adds
authority, whilst a gentle touch on the arm when sympathizing demonstrates
concern for them.
Preening
Preening is a common action as the person brushes their hair and
clothes, figuratively making themselves look more attractive and sending the
signal 'Aren't I beautiful!' This is thus says 'Please like me' and may be a
romantic invitation, a signal of superiority or indicate feelings of vulnerability.
Picking at bits of fluff clothes often shows disapproval as the
person figuratively picks apart your argument.
Weighing
Cupped hands may be used to indicate weight, which often is used
as a metaphor for importance.
Single-handed weighting bounces the cupped hand up and down, for
example when an argument is being proposed.
Two hands are used to indicate discussion of A vs. B. Watch which
hands seems to hold the heavier weight -- this will be the one which the person
thinks is most significant.
And...
Not body language as such, but the length of the index finger
compared with the length of the ring finger is related to masculinity. High
levels of testosterone in the womb lead to a longer ring finger. Testosterone
is also related to other masculine characteristics, including strength and
aggression, spatial and musical ability.
By looking for long and short ring fingers (as compared with the
index fingers), you might hence find a tendency towards masculine or feminine
characteristics.
Finger body language
Fingers are very flexible and allow for subtle gestures.
Pointer
A pointing finger indicates direction ('It's over there'). For a
long distance, the finger may be pointed diagonally upwards, as if firing an
arrow. The index finger is usually used, though the middle finger or even all
fingers may be used.
The thumb may be used to pointer to something being as it is
jerked over the shoulder.
Pointing at people is like using the prod (see below) and is often
considered to be rude and threatening.
People who are angry tend to point more, including at themselves
(when they feel hurt or insulted) and at those who they feel are to blame.
Pointing, especially at other people, can be particularly rude in
a number of cultures.
In some cultures the thumb is a phallic symbol and giving a
'thumbs up' signal says 'I want to have sex with you.' or may just be a rude
insult. This can cause a lot of confusion between people from the Orient and
the Occident.
Club
The wagging finger of admonition beats up and down as if striking
the culprit. This can be with a stable hand and just a finger way. It may also
be done with the whole arm, giving an exaggerated striking movement.
A more polite version points downwards as it beats out an
important point, perhaps tapping on something like a table.
The forefinger held up and stationary means 'wait' (perhaps as a
threat of being used as a club otherwise).
Prod
The finger prod can act like a stiletto knife, stabbing forward at
the other person. This is usually the index finger, although the middle finger
is sometimes used. This is often very threatening and felt as a personal
attack.
The prod may also be used to prod downwards at an imaginary item
in front. This is less threatening than pointing directly at the person.
The prod can also be made less threatening by bringing several
fingers together and bending the fingers. A disguised form of this is the
finger-and-thumb pinch, where an imaginary idea is delicately held and offered
forward.
Plate
Fingers extended and closed join with the palm to form a plate.
The plate holds symbolic things, such as ideas, often gently. The plate may be
proffered forwards, offering the held item to others. For large things both
hands may be held together.
Held under the chin, it presents the face as an object to be
admired and is often used in flirting.
Cup
Fingers held together and curled upwards form a cup that can
contain things more securely than the plate. Relaxed fingers form a loose cup,
whilst tense fingers form a more closed cup. Two hands together form a big cup
(to hold bigger things).
Cups may be used to plead for something to be given or offer
something forward to others.
Pinch
Fingers pinched together hold something small and delicate. This
may be finger and thumb or may involve more fingers (finger and thumb is less
frequent as this forms an 'O' which can have many different meanings).
It may be used when saying 'you must grasp this idea'. Held out
towards others it offers them the idea. Pushed down it holds the idea whilst
beating out the key points.
Claw
Curved and separated fingers form a claw. With palm facing down,
the claw may threaten to reach forward and grab, scratch or tear.
If the fingers are held loosely, the shape is more of an open cup
and may thus hold something. Held downwards it may gently restrain.
Drumming
Drumming or tapping the fingers can indicate frustration, for
example when another person is speaking and the person wants to interrupt. It
may also mean that the person drumming wants to leave.
Non-verbal noise sends an audible interrupt signal to the other
person. The louder the noise and faster the drumming, the greater the tension
the person is feeling. Drumming with the nails makes an even louder noise and
hence sends a more urgent signal.
Drumming can also indicate that the person is thinking, and that
the frustration is with internal thoughts and perhaps that an easy solution
cannot be found.
Sucking
Sucking a finger is often an echo of doing this in childhood.
Young children suck fingers or thumb as a breast substitute. This action is
hence a comforter, done when the person is uncomfortable or stressed in some
way. Variants on this include sucking knuckles or sucking a pencil.
Rudeness
The middle finger pointing upwards says 'up yours' and symbolizes
a penis. The little finger in this gesture indicates the other person has a
small penis (this is sometimes used as a rude gesture from a woman to a man).
The first two fingers pointing upwards and with the palm towards
the self says 'f**k off' (though curiously, with the palm facing the other
person indicates peace).
The finger and thumb together forming a circle may symbolize the
female genitalia (perhaps likening the other person to this). It can also
indicate the anus. Moved up and down it may indicate male masturbation
(implying the other person, a male, is unable to gain a female partner and thus
has to masturbate to get sexual relief). Yet with little finger facing outwards
it can also mean 'OK' or 'wonderful'.
The index and little finger pointing upwards as a gesture can say
that the other man is a cuckold. It can also signify the 'evil eye'.
Thumb
Thumbs-up signals approval and agreement. Thumbs-down signals
disapproval. Held sideways (and perhaps waggled) indicates uncertainty).
Roman amphitheater audiences reputedly used this signal to suggest
to the emperor that a defeated gladiator be spared or killed.
Thumbs up when arms are crossed or a single hand is held across
the chest is a subtle sign of approval. It can also be an invitation to others
to show approval of what you are saying.
Thumbs sticking out when hands are in pockets is often a sign of
confidence, feeling relaxed and in control. It can thus be both a sign of
authority and also of friendliness.
And...
Fingers crossed indicates hope (because they form a rough
crucifix).
Inspecting fingernails indicates boredom and disinterest.
Fluttering fingers may indicate uncertainty ('I'm not sure') or
may be a small wave (for example being child-like, indicating 'I am not a
threat' or 'protect me').
Fidgeting fingers may indicate boredom or tension.
Sucking fingers is a regressive return to childhood and breast
feeding. This may well indicate timidity and feelings of inferiority.
