Body Language and Flirting

Only 7% of communication is verbal communication. 38% of it depends on our intonation, or the sound of our voice. For instance: A shaky, uneven voice may suggest that a person is shy, intimidated, or dishonest. A clear, loud voice may indicate that a person is confident.

The largest chunk of communication is body language, which takes up the remaining 55%. These statistics show that a person who knows how to control their body and voice is considered more appealing than someone who knows only a mouthful of pick-up lines and crowd pleasers.

The impression we make on others starts not when we first open our mouth, but with our posture, breathing, appearance, and movement. 

Art and Science of Flirting and Body Language

The art of flirting is expressed with gestures and subtle actions - also known as body language. Non-verbal communication is often more important than words.

This artful dance makes it possible for strangers to become comfortable with each other, even at their first exchange of words. People become at ease with others when they find the other person pleasant. People appear pleasant as a result of showing interest in others via their body language cues. (I like you, because you appear to like me.)

Some body language (physical actions expressing inner emotions or thoughts) is universal among us and other mammals. Also see: Micro Expressions article here on Blifaloo.com for more information on emotions, evolution and physical responses.

Eye Contact and Triangulation

Body language reflects our emotional interest in various ways. In general, these actions manifest by instinct when we are facing people that we admire. For example, in intimate conversation, people usually look at each other's eyes.

Sometimes we shift our vision from one eye to the other, and to the bridge of the nose. This is what is called the triangular formation of vision. As a person becomes more interested in another, this triangular formation extends downward. Some say that it’s rude to look at a stranger’s body, but when you really think about it, people really can’t help it when they feel attracted.

When people are talking to mere acquaintances, they simply look at their eyes, but when people are interested in someone, they tend to notice a lot more than just the eyes and the nose. Also... looking at the someone's mouth can suggest interest in kissing.

Mirroring - Gestures, Body Language

We can make others feel comfortable by mirroring or matching their mood and actions. When two people enjoy similar things, they tend to move in sync with each other. This does not mean that every single move they make is exactly the same, but rather that their moods are the same.

Flirting Body Language Overview (for our lazy readers) Male Flirting Signals: - hands on belt or belt buckle  - preening / grooming - stretching (and other actions that make him seem bigger) Female Flirting Signals: - actions that make her appear smaller - playing with hair - exposure of neck or inner wrists General Flirting Signals: - eye contact - mirroring - triangulation - "accidental" touching

When a person finds something in common with another, an instinctive fondness develops between them. This same effect is replicated by mirroring.

(Editors note: I first read about "mirroring" when I was a teenager and into NLP work by Bandler and Grinder. Now it is a common tool taught by professional pick-up artists and salesman.

There is tons of info out there about mirroring, the author barely touches on it in the paragraph below. Google search for mirroring and body language for more info.

In mirroring, you need to tune in to the other person’s movements and imitate them, not mimic them. Also, these actions should not be done in the same pace as his/hers, otherwise, the person might take it instead as mockery.

Generally, the mirror actions should be done after 10-20 seconds, and must be done naturally. The other purpose of the mirror actions is to show the other person that you accept and respect their views without them noticing it. In effect, he/she will subconsciously see you as an open-minded person.

When people are interested in the person they are talking to, they tend to face the person more. This is also noticeable in a person’s arms and legs.

When a person’s attention is completely focused on another, their legs, knees, or feet are will extend in the direction of the other person.

Another common flirting signal is the pupils of our eyes. When people like what they see, their pupils increase in size, and tend to blink more. Eyes can blink in sync (like mirroring) when looking into the eyes of the person they like.

Male Body Language and Flirting

(Editors Note: Please note these are general flirting signs in males -- not scientific, and definitely does not represent 100% of the male population. This article was written by a guest author.

Just go to a bar and people watch for a few hours -- and you'll be able to recognise flirting signs and gestures yourself.)

Aside from general body language, there are also signs specific to males and to females when they flirt. When a male notices a woman he finds attractive, he may suck in his gut, flex his muscles, and take on other postures that make him appear taller and stronger.

A man shows confidence by putting his hands on his hips, or putting his thumbs behind his belt. Most men do this to appear macho and posed, but a commonly unknown fact is that this action also highlights the genital region sending the message: "I'm virile." (able to make babies).

Other flirting or interest signals may includes grooming their hair, fixing clothing and standing tall to make them look their best.

Female Body Language and Flirting

(Editors note: again, guest author -- please remember that these signs do not apply to 100% of the female population.)

The actions of women, on the other hand, are more subtle but very sexy in the eyes of men. A woman can make a man desire her more by exposing the skin of her neck.

When a woman tosses her hair from one side to the other, the gesture appears more intentional, and is often followed by a well directed intimate gaze.

The same thing goes when a woman exposes the thin skin on her wrist. Both actions appeal to men saying, “I want to show you more.” Women can very well play with men’s minds by doing little things like wiping off their sweat, and fondling with their hair, fingers, and feet.

The most appealing sign a woman can give is to sit with one leg pressed on top of the other. This gesture makes the legs appear very well toned. A hand on the thigh completes the position and is definitely considered a call for the attention.

Whenever people show their interest, an exchange takes place. When a mutual confirmation is established, one of them then makes the first move to approach. Body language makes up a very big part in the first moments of courtship, and may determine if people become more intimate.